British Woman Was Drinking 50 Diet Cokes a Day and Tripping Balls

It's easy to make fun of the Daily Mail, but those of us who indulge in the practice often forget about paper's razor-sharp journalistic instincts, which are nowhere more evident than in this latest gem of a story about a British woman who, at one point in her acid trip of an adulthood, was consuming 50 cans of Diet… » 2/23/14 4:00pm 2/23/14 4:00pm

The Reign of the Sochi Nightmare Critters Is Finally Over

SOCHI, RUSSIA - FEBRUARY 23: Olympic mascots the Hare, the Polar Bear and the Leopard stand by the extinguished Olympic flame during the 2014 Sochi Winter Olympics Closing Ceremony at Fisht Olympic Stadium on February 23, 2014 in Sochi, Russia. The three giant animals will be dismembered and then fed, limb by fuzzy… » 2/23/14 2:30pm 2/23/14 2:30pm

This Health Scare Article from TIME Is Full of Unfortunate Haikus

When a reader sends a particularly poetic message to the Jezebel inbox, some of the writers will notice the message's linguistic symmetry and gleefully announce, "Haiku!" Truthfully, most of these messages aren't perfect haikus (or "hokkus" for all those Ezra Pound fascists lurking in the comments), but they are very… » 2/23/14 2:00pm 2/23/14 2:00pm

Man Celebrates 96th Birthday by Accidentally Eating Rat Cake

Do you like cake? Are you one of those people who never got over childhood birthday parties and the sweet, smoky smell of snuffed candles mingling with buttercream icing? If you murmured "yes" to your computer, then the next sentence you read will horrify you and quite possibly turn you into a PIE person. An old man from … » 2/23/14 1:00pm 2/23/14 1:00pm

Hedgehogs Are Quickly Becoming the Most Popular Pets

All ye pet owners searching for that offbeat pet to help you prove to strangers that you aren't some cat or dog yuppie piece of human garbage but a unique individual with FEELS and THOUGHTS — the hedgehog is officially mainstream. That's not a terrible thing, considering that hedgehogs are super cute, relatively easy… » 2/23/14 12:00pm 2/23/14 12:00pm

Justin Bieber Won't Take DUI Plea Deal Because Drug Testing

Justin Bieber is prepared to reject a plea deal prosecutors have offered in his Miami Beach drunk drag racing escapades., mostly because he's unwilling to submit to random drug testing, mostly because he smokes a lot of weed, mostly because hobbies that 19-year-old millionaires specialize in such as sex, video games,… » 2/23/14 11:30am 2/23/14 11:30am

Sunday Sign Off: Carnival Season in Nice Is Bananas

The Catholic Church may have introduced a lot of not-so-awesome traditions, but give credit where credit is (partially) due: Carnival season is the best time of year. If you don't live in a place that will take part in the pre-Lenten debauchery, sucks for you. If you do live in such a place, congratulations and enjoy… » 2/16/14 6:30pm 2/16/14 6:30pm

Snuggle Bear, a Reminder That Stuffed Bears Make Awful Gifts for Adults

A couple (from New Jersey!) decided Valentine's Day would be the perfect opportunity to renew their vows in Times Square, but their reaffirmations of love and devotion were somewhat spoiled by the participation of the terrifying, dead-eyed "Snuggle" Bear. » 2/16/14 5:30pm 2/16/14 5:30pm

The Penny Dreadful Trailer Looks Too Good to Be True

Penny Dreadful, the latest premium cable show to exploit the talents of under-worked actors and period-piece costumers, will arrive with buckets of blood, sex, and creepy backwards hand-walking on May 11. In the meantime, this trailer will stoke your anticipation for a show about Victorian monsters that stars Josh… » 2/16/14 5:00pm 2/16/14 5:00pm

That Time Melissa Joan Hart Did Ecstasy and Visited the Playboy Mansion

Everybody remembers Melissa Joan Hart and her days as a teenage witch on television. BUT! Did you also know that Melissa Joan Hart used to be a young person who did things that young people with lots of cash-money like to do, namely, do drugs and attend a sweet house party? It's true! Melissa Joan Hart, like most… » 2/16/14 4:00pm 2/16/14 4:00pm

Whole Milk and Butter Make People Skinny Now, Says Science

Milk drinking isn't a hobby for everyone — only those of us with enough enzymes can indulge in the sweet, delicious mammary juice that spurts from the machine-manipulated udders of a stressed cow that wonders everyday why the small, hairless apes who've imprisoned her in a barn factory insist on treating her like a… » 2/16/14 3:00pm 2/16/14 3:00pm

This Raccoon Has a Serious and Adorable Bubble Wrap Fixation

Let's not be coy with each other — raccoons are horrible. The best way to describe a raccoon to someone who's never seen or heard of raccoons before is to say, "Okay, you know what a cat is, right? Well, a raccoon is like a cat that lives in the garbage and probably has rabies." That said, if you never have to hear,… » 2/16/14 2:30pm 2/16/14 2:30pm